Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Bubbles and tears

My girls are so sick of the cold ......they went outside to blow bubbles in the cold.

I am sitting watching through the window reading my friends blog. If you get a chance go to the bottom of my blog click on remembering stephen, it makes you feel her hurt and loss and how lucky I am to have connor here with me and we may need to face many hurdles and surgeries but he is here with me to love and hold.
 I get my sad days when I think why me, why this, why,why and then I read about her days of loss and sadness and I know I am blessed to have him. I have been told god picked me to have this sweet little boy because he knew I could handle and be the best mommy for him. I just have my bad days I think the worse and not the best of thoughts. I know I need to be positive but I don't want to go back and watch connor hurt and see him go down the hall way to surgery not knowing whats happening not holding him and making it okay.......then I read jess's blog!!! I am just feeling sorry for myself and to get over it. Its just a bad day tomorrow will be better there is always tomorrow ..............but today I will cry and hold him tight and pray with all my heart please let everthing be alright.

I caught jossy brushing connors hair like it or not she was set on making him look good, he just layed there and smiled while she brushed holding on to his frog for comfort .....Its moments like this that makes life worth while.

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