Today we are home alone just Whittney, joss and my little connor man. I watch as joss plays and loves connor and he laughs and talks. He makes my heart grow with LOVE.......I am having a hard day dont get me wrong I am so so grateful for him I just shouldnt think about the future it makes my body ache and I just want some one to make it stop but they can't.
I have my good days when I see the sun shine in everything and then it starts that nagging feeling in the bottom of my heart, the unknown ......It grows and grows as I watch my little boy laugh and smile I can not make it with out him I just cant. I want everyday to stop so I can freeze time. I am a control freak I want to plan the future to the tee and I can't and its killing me little by little.
I read my heart friends blogs and my husband says it is a bad thing to do. But I feel for these moms I know the pain and hurt that comes with the badge of being a heart mom.
So today I stayed in doors and loved and snuggled my babies and cryed when they were asleep.... it's what I need. Tomorrow I will see the sunshine :)
14 just hits different
2 months ago
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