Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Sunday, May 9, 2010


This day has been long and hard it all started with one word "POTASSIUM"

As long as I live I will forever hate that word...........You see there is a fine balance with the minerals in your body. If you don't have enough the heart has problems, have too much the heart can have serious problems so its a balance.

Well Connor had to much according to the blood test done this morning and thats how our day went. Since it is high they had to do another blood test and it was also high. Normally doing a blood draw is no biggie but with Connor and every heart baby it takes an act of god to get the blood to come out. So the first blood draw took about 45 minutes and the second about the same, If you haven't seen a baby get their blood drawn they have to turn off the lights and use a light  under their skin to find the veins and then they hold and contort their little legs and arms so they can get their little bitty veins. While they scream and fight them.

After we were told they were going to treat the high potassium and they told us how................................. I knew it was one of those days, Connor had to drink half of bottle of and ex lax type of medicine so he would poop all the potassium out of his system. Sounds easy right???  well how about when the stuff tastes like you know what.........It was hell getting him to drink it all and he kept on throwing it up and the day progressed he seemed to get sicker and just didn't look good,

About 4 hours after they gave us the medicine he finally drank the last drop........5 hours later he was screaming in pain and his eyes were red and he had a rash on his forehead. I told the lovely nurse that I thought he was having a reaction to the meds and she walked by and said I hope not ?????? She was a piece of work let me tell you..................... all day long she was just wonderful while connor cried in pain with IV team poking him she stood by me and told me how it doesn't hurt that bad.........and when I told her that I needed the doctor to look at the rash and his eyes she said Connor didn't need the doctor and that she had looked up the reactions to the med and that wasn't one of them, Real nice !!!!!

 I ask for 20 minutes to get the doctor and she wouldn't!!!!!  thank heavens my mom came by and she saw how Connor looked and she went and told the wonderful nurse to get the doctor immediately and guess what she didn't she came in and took Connors temp which made him scream even more. I told her at that point I was done to get the damn doctor here or I wanted her charge nurse and then Shane walked in........................  I told him I need to get some air for a minute I walked around the corner of the room and broke down I had met the end of the road and I couldn't hold it together any more. When I came back the doctors were their and guess what my lovely nurse acted like she was right there the whole time and that it was just Connor rubbing his eyes....................... ooo really ?????

Anyway long story short found out the tape they had used on Connors hand that he has a allergy to it and thats why his eye and face looked that way,

As the day progressed I feel like a truck ran me over and then backed up and ran me over again,,,,,.........

On the bright side brenda came by and took Connor on a wagon ride around the hospital and made his day and night :)

Connor is doing well and you'll never guess but the third test showed normal levels and he will not have to be poked again yeah!!!!!!

I have learned a valuable lesson when you need something have the doctors on speed dial and do it yourself

I love all my nurses for Connor just sometimes you get a bad stinky egg and boy it was a stinker........

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