Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


After the cath yesterday we were taken (well Connor was.) to the CICU. the nurse let me stay all night with him. In the late hours of the night in the room next to us you could her hush voices and no monitors beeping, shortly before we got there this sweet little boy went to heaven he was just 4 years old. They had the door cracked that adjoined our rooms and there he laid looking like he was just sleeping my heart sank.....he was perfect blonde and beautiful in every way I quietly sat there and cried for the parents of this sweet little one. Life is too short I started asking a few questions about him and was told that he was a heart kiddo and came in for a little surgery nothing to big and everything went wrong. I didn't know it then but  I had seen the mom in the lobby crying earlier in the day out in the waiting area, I stopped to just say something but I didn't I walked on..... I know wish I would of given her a hug......I watched as they the parents and grandparents walked into the room and heard the nurses tell them what they were seeing they took pictures and then left. My heart was so full of sorrow for them. I know it sounds strange but when you witness these events it touches you, this could be me this could happen it's the scary truth. and my soul hurts I want this week to just go away and let it all be over so I can relax and love my baby. I know in my heart this is the right thing to do and I will do everything in my power to help my boy grow and live a long life............I just ask god please please let him stay

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