Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Waiting for Surgery

Thursday night the doctor came in and said the surgery was off they felt it was to high risk and that they wanted to wait until may 4th and that instead of surgery we can go home on friday.....It was relief, shock and I just stood there the doctor looked at me and said are you ok, I just mentally got prepared to go through this surgery only to be told that I can come back go through all the test again and get mentally ready for the toughest time of my life. I have mixed feelings but mostly relief we have to go home with o2 and its harder to do things for baby connor but he is in my arms and thats what counts :) I have a doctor appointment on tuesday the 13th so they can check up on him and we are to stay away from all to keep him well until his surgery so we will be finding things to do at home. For the time being I am glad we are home again and I will wait and see what the next weeks unfold

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