Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Beautiful beautiful baby boy

Connor looks so different with out his oxygen on >>
Today has been along day...............We arrived late to the appointment, it's an ongoing joke that I always show up late. we ran to get his x ray, done since that is always done before his check up, Once that was done we ran in they informed us that they were also running late and that there were about 20 patients waiting before us??? Go figure.

After waiting an hour it was time for his sedated echo so........I asked if we needed to go ahead with that since the doctors were so late and we didn't want to miss that appointment too. They started the run through for the echo, blood pressure, weight, pulse ox, and listen to his lungs and thats when the red flag went up.......................................... the nurse heard weezing and that was it the echo was off.!!!!!
 Since connor does not do well with the drugs for the sedation and that he now looked to still have a cold or congestion in his chest.  The nurse thought it was too high of risk to sedate him. I asked if we could go ahead and try anyway, if I could feed and get him to sleep could they get the echo done that way...............................  the nurse said okay lets try!!! Thank heavens I didn't want to have to do this all again being that he couldn't eat all morning.......

Connor is such a good baby he took his bottle and fell fast asleep for the entire echo....he is amazing )

After the echo it was back to the waiting room .....while we were waiting they did the 02 test to see if he could come off of it.......... and he dropped from 88 to 77 pretty fast but they still did not say if he could go home without it?????

We waited a while longer and the doctor arrived ........He said that his heart function looked perfect and that he could stop the heart meds and that he could be off the oxygen during the day just at night when he goes to bed he'll need to be back on it. He can also take a bath so ...................................bye bye spit bath and Connor's weight get this is.................................16 lbs 25 1/2 inches long!!!! He is such a big boy

So it's back on the normal formula for this big boy

After all was said and done it was time to go home....................................  thank heavens jossy was ready to go play and I needed a nap :)

All I can say is thank you all for your prayers and love and keep it coming.............. Connors next check up is in 2 months............................ I pray and I hope for 5 more years untill the next big surgery :)

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