Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Moving up

Conners stats the top number is his heart rate second number is his breaths per minute and the third his oxygen stats

Connor has been moved to the surgical unit for recovery which means we are on our way home in a few days.

He had an echo today and we were told his heart is not functioning at its fully ability and that he would need to take heart meds to make it work better....I immediately freaked my mind started wondering into the what if mode. Does this mean his heart will fail or is it that it got damaged during the surgery???? My mind was racing I wanted answers so they had one of the doctors come and talk to us about the medication.

Connor will need to take the heart med for the next couple of months and repeat echo's on his heart every couple of weeks to see the function.

I know we have a long road head of us after we get released from the hospital in a few days we will need to be down here in two weeks for the echo and Connor will need the oxygen when he his home for the time being .

I am always worried about the what ifs ......................All I want is the future to be clear that I can watch my son grow older with me and have a full life. I worry and my head hurts most of the time I guess I hoped for the thumbs up after this surgery.

 I will continue to believe in miracles and the power of LOVE.

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