Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Friday, August 20, 2010

Recovering ..............

Surgery went well I remember walking to the OR and laying down on the table talking about my kids then the next thing I know a nurse is asking me to open my eyes????? I was so nauseated and I could not move my middle section I had a full body wrap on and 4 lovely tubes draining out .............I guess when I woke up I kept on asking for connor and if he was alright they were alittle confused about why I was so concerned about my son ..............When my best friend arrived to take care of me they asked her and she told them about Connors special heart and how this is the first time really away from him.

I stayed in SLC at the worst hotel ever.................. I will never use priceline again I wanted to save money but it was so gross there was garbage everywhere and mold and I can't even tell the rest to say the least we left first thing in the morning ............

I am doing well but I can't do much I have had ashley take over the house thank heavens for a friend I would be lost with out her.

I am sleeping and trying to keep the pain down I look like the hunchback since I can not stand straight for the next 3 weeks to let my stomach heal

I also have to figure out how to get some one to come and help while shane leaves for work ......Ash has taken way to much time off for me any ideas send them my way I am fine its just my baby and joss that need taking care of while I am down......................Some how I will figure it out

untill then thank heavens for heavy meds I am in so much pain 24/7

All I can say my Connor man is so much stronger then his mom they took a morphine pump out today and I almost passed out in the room ....................I could not do what my son has gone through he is amazing is all I can say

By the way he is doing great just he wants to walk not crawl he just pulls himself up and screams if we put him on his tummy .............I think he goig to pass on the crawling bit and move right to walking he is so Funny .........Pictures to come once I am more mobile

Love to all Ivy

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