Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Monday, September 13, 2010

My little man is growing up too too fast

Connor .......drum roll please ......................has started crawling and he is non stop. If there is something he wants he will get it for sure :)

He is so strong and there is no stopping him.
 Tonite while I was rocking him he started giving me loves, he grabs your cheeks and pulls you into him and gives you the sloppiest kiss but the best in the world !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He will pull away and give you a smile and then do it again ..................Tonite I received 20 sloppy kisses and I have to say my heart melted <3 <3 <3

Lately I have been worried about the next time we have to take him back???????????????
 I know it will be in the next year or so but I just hate hate hate it .
I sometimes I forget that he is sick untill I look back at his pictures and see how grey and blue he was :(  I wish I could make him better for good, but I'll take what they have for now. Just pray for 3 or more years till the Fontane :)

I do laugh.................... a lot of people think that he is all done with the surgeries............ and I guess untill you have been there you dont know alot about the heart and how it all works.
I have to admit I had no clue, I just worried about the other problems that you think your baby might get.................................................. not the big one such as CHD.
 I also was not into donating your organs.......................................................................................
 I guess God need to humble me.
It has made me now be a  donor.
I also use to judge people that wore masks on my plane, not thinking maybe they had something to protect such as their lives............
 Life has a funny way of letting you know, you dont know anything................................

I pray someday they find away to create a heart for my little boy that lets him live to the fullest.............
 I also know if I could give him my heart I would in a minute.....
I know you all might find this weird but I made my husband promise if ever anything happens to me that connor gets my heart (I am sure he is compatible but then again I dont know much how that is all done ) I want to make sure he gets mine...............................

It might be the fact everyday I see him grow a little peice of me hurts................................................ I dont want to ever let him go.

He makes my heart melt everyday <3

1 comment:

Heidi said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog. It doesn't change what we are going through with our sweet babies, but it sure does help to know someone else has been through it and understands your feelings. I hate the question, so your baby had his surgery and is better now right? I want to scream sometimes because #1 he still has many surgeries down the road, and #2 will you ever feel like they are completely "better." Your Connor is adorable! Has he had the Glen done yet? My email is heidigunnell@gmail.com might be easier to communicate than blogs.