I wonder some times

I sit and wonder today why?

Why this?

 Why for Connor?


I have been worried lately his color is not the same and when he is playing he is getting more and more tired it only reaffirms that the time has come for the next step in this journey and I have to say I am scared to death! I worry and it has affected my children my husband and me. I just don't think they know how my heart hurts I know what we have to do but the weak side of me wants to grab Connor and run away somewhere all this will be a dream.

Connor has away of smiling when my heart is hurting I think he knows when mama needs his love,

 I wonder allot of things but I know that I will be stronger and when little Connor is having a hard time walking or climbing up the stairs its my joy to be there to help him all the way because he is a wish come true so so blessed to have him here with us.

A Child Of Mine 
Edgar Guest 

I will lend you, for a little time,
A child of mine, He said.
For you to love the while he lives,
And mourn for when he's dead.
It may be six or seven years,
Or twenty-two or three.
But will you, till I call him back,
Take care of him for Me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
And should his stay be brief.
You'll have his lovely memories,
As solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over,
In search for teachers true.
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love,
Nor think the labour vain.
Nor hate me when I come
To take him home again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'
For all the joys Thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
And for the happiness we've known,
Forever grateful stay.
But should the angels call for him,
Much sooner than we've planned.
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
And try to understand.