Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Friday, December 30, 2011

Two years ago today

The best day of my life, well the days that I had all six of my children were the best days of my life.

Connor Shawn Murphy born at 2:24 pm 7 lbs 8 0z

I held him for only an hour before the nurse took him to his bath and then he was off to the NICU and then life flighted.

I only remember the moment they told me that life flight was on their way to take Connor I couldn't breath I couldn't think all I thought was I'm going to have to say goodbye and I would lose my little boy that I loved so much.

When I had to walk back into the hospital on Wednesday I felt the pain once again ! Will it ever go away I wonder but I know it will be there the moments the pain and uncertainly

I look at my big boy now and how far we have come and what is in front of us,  I love him more and more each day and I am so glad that he changed my life forever.

I read that once you go through a traumatic experience the old you dies and you become a new person, I have forever been changed.

I don't take anyone or anything for granted, thankful for a mother that taught me how to love and care for the ones around you and how to get things done when it seems impossible, thankful for the doctors at primary and their knowledge what they have done for Connor it truly a work of GOD, thankful for my loving sisters how they kept me going and kept me company I have never felt alone they did everything for me even when I was so unreasonable or just plain tired and couldn't think for my self they put me before themselves and I am so thankful for them, thankful for my father for his word of self worth and not to feel sorry for your self don't work harder work smarter my love for my dad that taught me family comes first and how he did so many things for us to let us skate and taught us to care for one another.

Connor has made it so far and I pray for more time to make it further, I worry about every little thing ask my doctor he gets allot of calls from me but I can not be too careful,

Today we spent just playing we went bowling and how he loved it but as far as the turn thing goes It has to be his turn every time!!!!

He beat me took 4th out of seven people not bad for a two year old

Tomorrow will be his big birthday party and as midnight comes I will not forget how he was being Life flighted and I thought all was lost.

It was just Little after midnight when the doctor told us WE CAN FIX THIS this was the HOPE and sweetest words of my life I don't remember much after that but that sentence rang through my head and soul was at peace I knew we could do this we would do this and I would hold my sweet baby boy again I felt empty without him in my arms I had to be by him no matter the time I never left I stayed it was were he was so there was I

I was told I think it was the second or third day when I was with Connor I asked one of the doctors what his future held, he replied he would not walk like my other children and that he would have troubles learning, and because of the bypass his IQ would be affected. I took a deep breath after I heard that and thought to myself WE WILL SEE WE WILL SEE,

So to that doctor that told me all the bad you WERE WRONG he has gone above and beyond any child and we will do more JUST WATCH AND SEE!!!!

My dear Connor thank you for letting me be your Mom their is nothing better in life you are the greatest gift I could ever receive!!!!!

HAPPY 2 nd BIRTHDAY CONNOR!!!!! I LOVE YOU forever and a day

1 comment:

Angee and Thom said...

Happy Happy Birthday Conner! We are so thankful for your life!