Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Monday, February 20, 2012

Just a little blue?

I say  this often he seems a little blue today? I wish I didn't have to but for the last two days Connor has been blue sating in the low 70s it makes me cry and worry! I know its a illiness but when he doesnt show signs except the blueness it drives me crazy and I was suppost to go to work which of course I wouldnt and didnt !!!

Personally  On top of it all I feel like I am always the cat that gets kicked !!!

Its the old story that starts with a women going to work and getting yelled at then she yells at her husband etc and then the kid kicks the cat >>> Well I'm the cat

Not very happy with my partner for flying with his womanizing brother so I have to deal with his behavior while hes flying around acting like a fool

I try to go and do what my heart tells me and get slapped in the face by people friends etc
I am sick of the kick so for all of those that know me stop kicking me and do things for yourself I am too over whelmed and sick of the shitoola!!!!!

On a high note this friday is the heart moms luncheon and I am so so looking forward seeing my heart sisters.

Ok just had to vent and note to myself next time I think to go and help some one .....o to do their taxes and bids etc DONT !!!!! I am not being the KICKED CAT ANY  M ORE find a new animal to kick

Thank you Ivy

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