Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

What's NORMAL.....not us

My little man isn't so well he likes to remind me that our lives are just not normal !!!

It started a week ago when I thought he was just a little blue and then he had a few times he would just go pale and stay that way for 15-20 minutes I thought it was he oxygen Sat's and hooked him up while he slept to see where he was in the lower 80s nothing to bad little lower then normal so I called my favorite nurse at primary and told her what was going on I was to go to Annual Heart Mothers dinner that night and thought nothing of it just prayed that I was wrong and that he was fine !!!! Wasn't meant to be....... shortly before I was to leave for my Heart mothers dinner I got the call " Dr. Williams wants him to wear a holter monitor for 24 hours he's having arrhythmia's and we need to know why?" SO I got undressed and settled in for a long week since the monitor wouldnt ship until Monday I would not leave my little man and haven't since

You blink and their health changes and your life changes too!!!!

I know that on Friday it back to the house on the hill for a once over and I am praying we having a few more months before the surgery but since my little man will not eat anything but his bottle and he looks tired he might have different plans then that he always wants to do it his way ........................and I will follow whatever he wants!!!!

A lot of emotions going and allot of lack sleeping
 I feel just a little lost and worn down but cant not put my finger on it........................................ just the stress of the up coming surgery???
 I guess !!!! on selfish note I was so so looking forward to the Heart moms dinner ,I only do things for myself once in a blue moon so for it to happen the night of was heart breaking and dumb I guess because I would never leave Connor when he was sick!!!

Pray for Connor that they will know when the time is right for his surgery and that God will let my baby stay with me for a long long time that's all I want nothing more !!!!

1 comment:

Angee and Thom said...

Oh poo Ivy! I was wondering where you were, and then the monitor post on FB I started to put things together. I hope and pray all is stable on Friday. Fingers crossed!