Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Monday, March 5, 2012

Reality of it ALL

On Friday we got a reality check sometimes when you tell your self that we have plenty of time to get ready for something lets say the next surgery reality has a way of letting you know that God's plan is different then our own and Connor from what they could tell is showing that he maybe ready for his surgery now then later.

WE go back in three weeks and do the pre op !!!!

I am trying to get this in my heart and mind and I have cried for my baby for my sweet little boy that will not know what is ahead of him and why we are letting them hurt him !
 I just hope that when he grow that he knows how hard this is for me! I would take his pain and hurt and make him better in a minute if I was given then chance,

I cry for the unknown and how he once again will be on by pass and has to come off being int abated when the time comes I will watch the monitors beep and keep in the normal range I just want to be promised that all will be perfect
 I will have him in my arms to hold and play with me while we grew old !!!!

So for this time I am hurting and not knowing how to fix this
 please pray for Dr Kaza to perform a perfect surgery and that he will respond to all that is done
 pray for my baby for a fast recovery from the pre op cath no bleeding and no visits to CICU after

Pray for my heart mind and soul to be strong to take care of him

I walk with faith not sight

So our count down starts sooner then later but I ask GOD to watch over us and to let him be able to have the Fontaine

So many factors in life Connor's life


Heidi said...

Reality is something I wish we didn't have to face sometimes. I am sorry you are having to face the fontan reality sooner rather than later. Keep us posted and we will be praying for all of you. Loves xoxoxox

One Happy Heart Family said...

OMH!! I had no idea!! I'm sorry, I know the feeling though, thats what happened with Kylie's Fontan, it was like okay, she is getting a little worse, okay she will have it in the next month or 2!! Now you know the deal now. I will be thinking of you guys!!