Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Thursday, August 9, 2012


`Life has been normal as normal it can be with a 2 1/2 year old that now runs laps around me !!! I am so so old too old for a 2 year old lately I've been so tired 

I guess it could be that Work had me go full time and my step son moved up with us!!! And I don't sleep well don't know why but I don't!

It all has made me down right tired..... I just want to sleep for a day and see if it goes away LOL

Kids are getting ready for school and fall will be here soon enough I am trying to squeeze a few summer activities in before we cant venture out and have to stick to being at home routine etc 

Connor's check up went well he looks good (knock on wood) and don't have to go back until December to check on him again and Dr Williams said maybe after that Once year for a check up !!! I don't know if I like the idea it makes me nervous but in a way I don't know what to do if we are not traveling or worrying about Connors special heart 

I worry still looking up the newest and latest on heart surgeries and meds! I hate to leave for days for my work yes I said days being full time I leave for two to three days at a time I worry when they call me my heart stops and when they don't I sometimes think I need meds to stop the thinking and worrying

Connor has added words to his vocabulary such as: Yes, Mine, OOO Shit, McQueen, get it for me and allot more it is funny you have to really listen to hear some of his words but he is getting better and clearer as the months go by

I cant believe he will 3 at the end of this year 

Every night he cuddles up with me and holds my face and kisses me and hums to me 

He loves his baby dolls and his sisters sparkly shoes  with is so so funny to see him walking around in jossy shoes

We had some changes We sold my Honda pilot for a Ford f150 and it works and saved us so much to get rid of my shiny pretty car I admit I cried as they drove it away

refinanced  our house to lower the payment 

and with those changes I am hoping it will help with the large book of medical bills We just received from the hospital 

a few blessings from a few changes 

One bad thing we came home from our funeral and our air conditioner was kaput 

So a new one it will be 

it always is something right??

I have some good people that have helped when things have been hard and bleak it really tells you who you can count on when things get tough 

Lesson in life when we have to take a month 4 months earlier then we planned and hadn't had a penny saved it hits hard at home and takes awhile to rebound to those who have helped I am forever in my heart and I believe in Karma good karma is coming your way for sure

All is well I am going to sit down and rest maybe if Connor or the house of kids don't need me for 30 sec 

Love to all

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