Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Alittle time gone

Life sometimes takes over and it left me with little to say

Connor is the joy in my heart the light of my life and makes everyday worth waking up to see his smiling face playing cars all over my bed the floor kitchen and every nook and cranny

Some updates We have been lucky enough to have Michael move in with us he is My husbands first born. Change is always hard but it didn't take much to add him to the everyday hustle bustle of our days

I talked about making money changes to keep up with medical bills and days off during his surgery well I guess God knew we needed to have Michael here with us to guide him to make good choices and watch over him, paying his mom child support while he lives here is a new concept for me don't know how anyone would feel right in making someone pay double but I am here to do whats best for Michael and that's what Shane and I have done

Whitt is growing up getting all the boy crazy stuff, parties with friends to talk about ??? Boys

it funny to see how it never changes.......praying for strength to get through my children's teenager stage

Joss broke her arm day before Halloween at the new jumpy house place in Logan thank heavens the cast is now off but it is never boring here I tell ya

Shane and I have gone to our counseling to deal with my Post traumatic syndrome and help us to become better at communicating and survive this crazy life with ex's and step children and medical fragile child and financial struggles

God sent Allen to us even though the last two weeks has been crazy and we haven't been able to go his guide lines reflect in our day to day with people we know and our children

I have felt pain beyond belief hard to explain my heart sisters little girl Mia passed away on her make a wish trip and made me remember that life can be taken at any minute

I felt the bottom drop out underneath me... Mia had a heart transplant was 4 had no signs and was a light in my life and hope that life will be better with a transplant and then she was gone

I understand this is gods plan that we are not in charge I beg everyday to take me not my boy I just want him to grow and have everything in life I know my friends don't get it my husband doesn't understand my sorrow or why I might be moody or upset

I want a cure for my son I look and look at the research at Bostons children looking for the hope or knowledge that we can do something

My sister that has gone through her personal hell for the last 6 years told me something the other day
Her strength is amazing
She told me to .................................. JUST BREATH...

Shes right that's all I can do just breath and continue on with the hope
 just look at that face it worth it all.....