Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Monday, July 19, 2010

Summer Time Fun

I have not posted for so long.......I don't know if it is just being busy or just doing the normal that I just haven't had alot to say.

Connor is doing great ( knock on Wood) I hate saying those words!!!!!!!!!!!!  He is just a normal baby........I still watch him sleep I check his Sats and his color all the time, I wonder if all will be well at his doctor's appointment next week???? I just hope for no O2 at night he hates it........................I have to hold him down to get him to let me put it on him........................He makes me laugh he will swat at me and push me away so I can't put it on him................He is getting too smart!!!!!

Connor has mastered being on his tummy and he can flip back and forth..................He also now can pivot from right to left with his upper body to get his toys................He gets so mad when he can't crawl to the things he wants!!!!!  He will just start fussing and yelling until one of us gets what he wants :)

All the kids are good, just enjoying Summer........................The only thing is they want me to plan their days out for them !!!!!!!!!!??????????????? It is driving me crazy having to tell them what to do so they don't get bored. .....................................................
 What happened to just being a kid and going outside and playing ????? Where did I go wrong that they think I need to spend money on them so they can be entertained for the day ?????
 I guess they will just sit on their butts until they figure it out.....................Use your imgination or just be bored is all I can say :)

Life has gone on and I find myself thinking ahead .....................................................................................will it be hard to see Connor go in when he is jossy age and hold him down to get his blood  and go through the Fontane??? I see older boys and think will he be able to play without feeling the affects of his heart? I drive myself crazy ..................I try to talk to my hubby about it but he just tells me not to worry ? I guess he doesn't know me I worry all the time it is what I do :)

For now we wait to see what they say on the 29th ...........................................
Pray for all looks great and no oxygen and just a happy baby ........................................

He is the light of my life he smiles and all goes away............Once you meet him you will understand the feeling he will give you :) .........................................................................PURE HAPPINESS


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