Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your ways....no matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

First time sick yuk

Okay after all my efforts my little Connor is sick and I hate it ........................I hate worrying if it turns into more then a cold that we may have to run to Primarys............I hate knowing that it is making his heart work harder then it should .........................I can not sleep I just am too worried about him being so stuffy.

Most of all I hate it when people don't take my if you are sick please dont come to my house warning .....................I guess they just don't get that Connor's heart is already working overtime and we worry about it going into failure before the Fontane.............................

I am so so mad at myself I have kept him away from all and stayed home just to get him sick I want to scream .....................................I know it does no good to rant but it makes me feel some what better>>>>>

Also Its been a hard week in my relationship ................I dont know why but it seems all goes wrong at the same time ...................I wonder what in this life did I do to have all this come down at once................Maybe karma from all the bad mistakes when I was so so young and dumb really I was just an idiot .................................I also found out some news about a person  that has been bothering me but was told not to tell and if I did my marriage would be in trouble?????? I guess I am 5 year old again being told what I can and can not do ..................I know when something is wrong and this is  wrong................ I would want someone to tell me if my @#$@#@ was doing this I have to face this person and not tell .................................I really hate it...................... but then I think maybe its for the best just to live in a fantasy world and not be told the truth I don't know it just makes me think twice about promises and marriage what is wrong in this world really what is going on ...................................................

2 comments:

One Happy Heart Family said...

Oh Ivy,
I am sorry little Connor is sick!! It's so hard and NO, NO ONE gets the clue until u turn into a super beast and offened every person u know by telling them to stay away!! :0) Really it sucks!! I bet he will be fine, just keep checking those sats. Kylie has gotten about 3 colds and everyone was borderline hospital visits but we steared clear.

I am so sorry life is so stressful for u right now. Really makes me feel bad! U r such a sweet person I just don't understand? I think it all comes with having a "sick" baby things change. Please let me know if I can help? Or even be ur vent person LOL

She Made Mention said...

Keep your chin up. There will be better days. This life is far from easy! Men are SO MUCH DIFFERENT than women!!!!!