Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Bitter Sweet

It's funny how sayings don't mean much until one day you are watching your little baby fight for his life!!!!!
Being a heart mom is bittersweet , you watching your child grow wondering about every minute what is next.  knowing how much you love this child so much that I would give my life for him.....I find myself sitting watching him play and I start to cry not tears of pain but of love and joy and sweet pain. The tears are bittersweet

Let me explain you I live in fear of the unknown lately its been okay Connor is  doing great and our house is under construction, so I am soo busy I just don't have a minute to sit and think and wonder but when I see his funny little smile or when he comes to me and kisses me and walks off my heart hurts I just want him fixed so that we don't have to wait until his next surgery or his transplant. I sit and look at people and think why my Connor why didn't it happen to that person or that mean person not my sweet funny lovable innocent boy......I know it's not nice to think that but this is my world, my mind and I would never say it out load just on my blog :)

I didn't know what bittersweet was until I became a heart mom the most rewarding thing in life I just wish we could make it all sweet without the bitter

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