I want to have someone fix me and I know It is only doing damage to me to think about the negative but when one of the little ones earn their wings it hurts me to the core. It hits home and there is no escape for the reality of the future that is in front of my Connor.
my husband looks at the glass and see it as half full. I look and see half empty, I never thought that I am a realist. The facts get to me, I read all the medical facts, follow of the children that have CHD, And with this I have become a realist.
I can not ignore the reality and pretend that next time I have to walk Connor to the surgeon that I will be shaking with fear the fear that no one wants to talk about or feel. I just can not handle it but when the sun comes up I put it all behind me and look for the joy in the day.
I have my good days and bad as you can see when you read my blog but for the most I feel the sense of something that I need to fix inside me I just don't know how
2 comments:
Oh Ivy, I am processing through the very same thoughts/feelings. It is not easy, I feel like I am cracking up. Lets talk, my email is angeequ@hotmail.com. Our boys have similar diagnosis', you are about 7 months ahead of us. I have read past posts on your blog, and have had a lot of the same experiences. I look forward to hearing from you.
oh and BTW I am super jealous of your arms! I always hope to have arms like that, I guess I need to work a little harder-or at all. heehee
Post a Comment