Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Heart is full

The last couple of days I've been told that I have been acting angry...... I have been!!!!!!!!
 I am so angry at so so many things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Making ends meet with all the synergis shots

Hubby wanting to buy everything and I am the one saying no we can't right now we have to make sure Connor gets what he needs first!!!

My ten year old just being a pain in my ass and doing really stupid things.....for example hiding the fact that her girlfriend burnt Connors foot with a flat Iron so for a couple of days I believed that he had a blister from his crocs so I got so angry I threw them out !!!! Go figure 40. shoes out the window

My 16 year old breaking up with her mean and controlling boyfriend and thinking her life should end and wrote us all letters and then took off...mean while my oldest had to find her and watch her while I drove down to get her!!!!

my 18 who has her ACTS today and had no time to study because we had to deal with boyfriend drama......

Let me tell you the list goes on and I feel angry !!!!!

Then a Heart Friend I follow wrote this

There's an old parable about the power of gratitude, where two poor farmers were walking together and met their Rabbi. Upon being asked "How is it for you?" the first farmer responded "Lousy. Terrible, hard, awful. Not worth getting out of bed for." God was eavesdropping on the conversation and upon hearing this thought "Lousy??? You think your life is lousy now, you ungrateful lout? I'll show you what lousy means." Upon being asked the same question, the second farmer responded "Ah, Rabbi, life is good. God is so gracious, so generous. Each morning when I awaken, I'm so grateful for the gift of another day, for I know, rain or shine, it will unfold in wonder and blessings too bountiful to count. Life is so good." God roared with mighty laughter upon hearing this saying "Good??? You think your life is good now? I'll show you what good is!"

I just was angry at myself and the world for handing me what has happened to me and the choices that I have made and how I am living my life.

I woke up the next day and took charge I changed the birth control I was on and that helped alot

 I just let everything go....................

 I can not control the fact that we may need some help with money 

I control the fact I can go to work and help with the bills

 I am feeling better and not so mad at everyone

I have so so many things to be grateful for and why I was putting my family through this is just plain ungrateful

I just had too much of everything and no sleep..................................... bad combo

Also I ask for all of you to pray for my friends baby boy I have followed his blog and have a heavy heart for his family he has been given weeks to live and I am here complaining about what was given to me. when I started following Keegan and his moms journey is from the Beginning praying that some small miracle would help him but that was not in the cards he is only 2 and will not be here long on earth please pray for a miracle for the tumors to go away and peace for him and his sweet family they have been battling this cancer from the time he was born. My heart broken this sweet angel boy is the cutest sweetest thing and he was been given so so many things to deal with!!!!
pray for him ............

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