Love of my Life

Love of my Life

Heart Mother

One day my world came crashing down,I'll never be the same.They told me that my child was sick.I thought, "am I to blame"?I don't think I can handle this.I am really not that strong.It seemed my heart was breaking.I have loved him for so long.I will not give up on this child.I will listen to your advice.I will give my child any chance.No matter what the price.I will learn all that I need to help my child thrive.I'll even use that feeding tube.My child must survive!Will he need a lot of therapy?Will he gain the needed weight?Please God, help me do this.I will accept our fate.When the monitors beep at night, it serves as my reminder.How many parents would love that sound.Tomorrow I will be kinder.As another Angel earns his wings,I run to my child's bed.I watch him sleep for quite a while.I bend down and kiss his head.I cry for the parents whose hearts have been broken.I look to You wondering why?Oh Lord, I just can't know your matter how I try.And yet, I trust you hold his life, and guide us through each day.My mind says savor each moment he's here,but my heart begs, "PLEASE let him stay"!From pacing the surgical waiting room, to sitting by his bed.From wishing for a good nights sleep, to learning every med.From wondering, "will he be alright?", to watching him reach out his hands.With every smile my heart just melts, despite life's harsh demands.For all who see that faded line.I look to them and smile.You see my child is loved so much.I would face ANY trial.That scar I trace with my finger (It's the door to his beautiful heart).God must have known how much I'd love him (Just as He loved him from the start).A heart mom is always a heart mom.Now wise beyond her years.For those who have angels in heaven,Our hearts share in all of your tears.Every day I will try and remember,I was chosen for him (and no other).I will always embrace that beautiful day.......When I became a "Heart Mother"

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Tender mercies

I lost my way ..... Lately life has been a little hard to find time to sit and write!

Life has a funny way of reminding me that we are not a normal family I have a sick child and one day we will be transplanting one way or another there is the fact of it

 I am christian my beliefs are the same as everyone that believes in God just don't know why there is one right religion when I know god loves us all

I have a hard time thinking just because some one practiced being a Catholic or Buddhist that he will judge them.

 I believe in being good looking for the best you can be, Be honest, Be truthful, Be forgiving and unjudgemental that's what I believe so that being said

I have been lost I looked to my heart world of unknown friends for a place I belonged!!! I blog stocked and face booked to see how all were doing
 felt like I found my place, gave advice when I thought I could make a difference and went along with my day to day

It all can come apart in a few messages sent on face book can shatter the feeling of belonging to a fantastic loving group of women. I felt lost

It all start with a flower arrangement for a heart mom that lost her little four year old that I held dear to my heart and I felt attacked that I had done something insensitive to give her a heart arrangement to be kept on her grave site. I wanted to do something to help me heal and I knew I couldn't sit and watch my friend in such pain I wanted to send something to show how much I loved Kylie but it all felt wrong after the face book comments

I am lost in reality of loss !! I love my son more then I can explain and not to know what our future holds is painful and it makes you mad and lost in this world

I see my friends kids pass away and it feels like the future is looking dim and I cant handle it all sometimes I have to get away from it all

 but cant!!!!................ you just feel lost

I fly sometimes and see how the people act and the lost feeling grows stronger.

 I wish I could find my tender Mercies and do something that mean something in life

 I am away from my children putting up with rude co workers and the crap that goes on lets say the things that married people do away from their spouses is down right stupid and it makes me want to run to something better then this place of hell

I just get lost

I feel left out because I am not LDS and not a girl willing to go out on overnights to drink and party I am almost 40 for goodness sake when will the people I work with grow up!!!

Then when one night as I was planning the Easter surprise for my kids I get a text from a person I have never met and it changes your heart She explained that after she heard of Connor's surgeries and wanted to give him the gift I wanted to purchase but was trying to come up with the money to make it happen

They have never met us and they are doing this for him out of the goodness of their heart!!!

 how one act can make you feel like you are not lost and there's good in people in this world

Tender Mercies

My neighbor that has always been there for me came over two nights before crying she was told some awful news and was having to face losing her breast or her life we talked hugged and I've checked on her since

Then today she comes in and sits and tells me how I am her only true friend that no one else has she told and how much I mean to her it makes you feel the love that people do have in this world

Tender Mercies

I didn't realize all this until I found the story of Mitchell their little boy past away just a few weeks ago and the father spoke about tender mercies you don't realize we all have them we just maybe to mad angry hurt or lost to see what god sends to us little signs little hugs from heaven to say its all worth it just keep on swimming you see he sends his love from others to show you your not lost

Next time you feel the hopelessness  just look for the tender mercies

Its there you just need to open your heart to feel it

I may be lost hurt struggling at the end of the day I have my true friends my love of my life my children and that's all I need

My Tender mercies the miracles of life my Children and the love I feel with each hug and kiss

1 comment:

Angee and Thom said...

Thank you for sharing Ivy! That same person who made mean comments to has joined forces and attacked me lately. I understand how you feel. I am trying to find where I fit in also. You reminded me ti step back from the fight of life and recongnize the tender mercies. Recongnize what I DO have, what IS going right. Thank you my Heart Sister, you teach me more than you will ever know just by being you!